For more than 10 years, I have been suffering from depression. It has caused me to think about life’s meaning. My feelings about death are paradoxical — I dread to think about the demise of people I love, but I feel indifferent and apathetic about my own.
In 2018, my Australian mother, for whom I felt a deep affection, passed away due to brain cancer. This was the first time I witnessed the death of someone I knew, and I experienced a profound depth of grief. I encountered uncertainty about my significance in the larger scheme of the universe. My understanding of such concepts and beliefs about my meaning in life were challenged.
I encountered a sentiment a few days after she passed away — ’You can’t walk this earth forever; someday you will have to fly’. This is what she used to tell her sons when they were kids. Somehow these words consoled me, and have accompanied me since. Her words inspire me not to be obsessed with the state of living and to accept the mortality as part of life.