Working with archival film negatives, a juxtaposition is created between the concept of photographic memory and the experience of prosopagnosia and neurodivergence.
Each negative was photographed against various light-filled backgrounds – some against artificial light at night and others against a backdrop of sky and trees. Most of the images within this series have had minimal processing beyond basic editing and the application of colour. Others are layered images, combining the photographed negatives with old proof sheets and images from my digital archive, blended and coloured to give an insight into my experience of the world through a neurodivergent lens.
I have never been able to remember faces. I get people mixed up all the time and often walk right past people I know. When I encounter someone that obviously knows me I switch into panic mode and stall for time as I desperately try to pick up clues from conversations, visual cues, and vocal mannerisms. The more I see a face the greater the chance it has of imprinting onto my mind, but only when I see you in front of me and in the right context.
I also forget people exist if I can’t see them, even people that I am close to and love dearly. I upset people when I don’t call or see them for long stretches of time but how do I remember you if you have literally ceased to exist in my mind?
I didn’t know it had a name. I didn’t know that it was a genuine neurological condition likely related to my neurodivergence and not, as I always imagined, some personal defect that I could overcome (if only I would apply myself more). A life spent with so much shame and embarrassment for something that was beyond my control. I am honest with people now, letting go of the need to hide who I am and replacing it with truth and understanding.
Prosopagnosia: face blindness or facial agnosia
Object impermanence: an inability to understand that objects (and people) exist when they are out of sight.
